| uhm okay.
Grahams over n done with.
Micheal and i are still having babies
i live with my mom now.....
Rick n i still will practice having babies
im Back and Completely in LOVE in andrew james
Regis and i dotn speak much any more
Jerred is my best friend
MY friendships have withered for no reason...ever since i moved out...i guess i know who real friends are
i hate shut outs
i hate where i live
i hate depression
and i want to run away
fuck what i have...it means nothing to me
fuck my potention cuz thats shit
im my mothers daughter but she thinks im some prodegy that cant do a thing wrong
a messy room and four missing hmwrk assignments
no time and a busy schedule...MAKE TIME FOR THIS ADN THAT...sorry cant fuck you bye
my eyes cant cry more
my tears are dry and angry
my head aches fully and i cant help but feel pain every time i blink.
my eyes open decieve me and the world around is only hell
nothing can make this life seem perfect or near a slight correction
the life i live is worthless, and sometimes i want to die
sometimes i dotn get up and sometimes i close my eyes just to get rid of the image before me
i dont like to see my mom, i wish i lived with my dad
i feel like she wants me to be her...and thats how it is
and im not. im not 41, i dont have two kids and i dont have time for her petty pity parties when i need to have my own. ONE person parties.
the parties where i cry myself to sleep. where i sit there and wallow for a night, the kind i wake up from thinking i never want to be that low...but the hole gets deeper and i sink more but she doesnt see shes the one pushing me down
she makes the sank go weak. and shoves me down day by day, so i dont go home. i stay as far away as ican
she cares about cigarettes adn going out. more about having a life than making one for her nieces
so i do. i make it worth it. i do evrything for them and she doesnt give a fuck she doesnt even notice but do i say anything...no. bcuz she doesnt like to listen to other peoples problems unless they are fixed tomorrow
"i cant do everything" FUCK YOU i dotn give a fuck. i CANT talk to her. I wont. i cant stand her i cant be around her i cant look at her nor do i want to go home to see her. i cant have my life. i must live hers
Well there are two things i hate most about my life other than the fact that larry is in it and alive....
I never want to be like her
and
Im her spitting image
i dotn want to be
i want to be me
and she wont let me
i have to do this and that.
College...schools...not on her mind.
model model model
cigs and bicardi and cards with tammy...and that phone call at eight for sable to come get the kids cuz she cant control her fuckin alcohol, she cant have a drink adn stop
of course not. thats not what recovering alcoholics do. they relapse. Well if she has...fuck that too
What i hate to say is andrew, soccer adn thursday nights are the only think that keep my smile.
friends have become douches and life is being altered.
i want to be a child
i havent been one since 14. so i want to act 17...shit i want to act 15
i want to have those years back.
i want to get so drunk i vomet and regret wanting to wake up
i want to sneak out and get caught
i want to laugh at everything adn cry for nothing
i want to whine and whine and whine
i want to bitch and fuss and throw a tantrum.
I want to run away and get lost
i want to ruin something
i want to run around like crazy ppl do
I jsut want to act my age
but i cant
im torn from reality and put into the future.
scary thing is...will i be tired of being a mom by the time MY time comes to actually BE one.
will i get sick and tired of caring for ppl.
i hope not.
i want to be everything but her
and everythign but him
i have no example
i have no one to look after, to give me that one person i want to be like
so i want to be me.
but who am i.
i dotn know...no one does...and i cant find myself with all this shit on my shoulders.
i kno every flaw adn very few goods.
i have alllergies now...
andrew makes life beatiful | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| Hey bitches and hoes. im back. for now.
uhm internet only at dads. bummer. with this Myspace thing its even more amazing. lol so im never on here any more
Andrew and I are still together after a crazy 4 day break. but what ever his choice not mine...
PS BREAKS ARE STUPID! i hate waiting! lol
I love Sable danielle Jones...shes hot. Love her! cuz i do...and i said so. shes pretty.
Uhm...Plus shes got my name...can i get an amen?
yea...thanks...
College guys rock my world...amen and hallelujiah.
man they so hot.
haha mexicano hit on me at work
....u so hot...i bet many men hit on u...u got numbers on hand so i kno dis..u vey pritty girl. very sexy...i smile he walks away...i crnge and nathan and say wtf do i do when that happens?
man what the fuck
FUCK giant...dont work there...its horrible.
I love Graham Murphy...hes definately my little bit of sunshine.
Uhmmmmmmm Regis is hot.
Rick and i r gonna practice makin babies and Michael Spielman are making babies when were 30 and married. HELL yes...im gonna have a hot husband!!! omg so excited.
well im done here...bye now | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| girls suck...if i were a lesbian id give up adn move on to men...or if i was a man...id giv eup and move on to the gay side of life...why not. as long as girls arent there.
and yes...i am an intolerable. annoying, irritating, picky, girl. but at least i have common sense right?
anyway. girls are dramatic. The end. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 12:25 am | | Current Mood: |  chilled |
|
| Uhm. Great night. tell you that much. kind of...maybe. okay half of it was amazing.
Didnt feel like i realy belonged with the girls. just kind of felt out of place. no one will understand. I just...didnt feel lik i was supposed to be there. i felt like i had to leave and no one would care. so i did. and no one asked me to stay or asked why i was leaving. not expected. just knew it wasnt gonna happen. so i went home. went to Tylers and there was my good part of the night.
chilled, played lets kick the shit out of sable. i lost. fun tho.
the we played...lets kick sable as hard as we can with a soccer ball. i lost that game too. didnt hurt that bad tho.
THEN we played, lets cut sable up with the soccer ball. i lost cuz i didnt want to play games any more. they hurt...
the we watched cook out kinda...i only say like 45 minutes cuz i had to leave. 2 girls came over and one was disrespectful. i dont like her anymore. steph is awesome tho. :).
good night after that. then he called me fat. i decided id drive for 30 sconds. then he wouldnt give me a hug. so i hang there. waiting. then i finally got TWO! then i left.
Andrew chilled here a little bit. cool stuff. i still smell vanilla ice cream from when he shoved it up my nose. mmm tastey.
Work tomorrow at 1045. leave hear at 9 get home at 930. shower change leave at 1015 n im at work at 1030.
then i work till 545. THEN i chill with andrew. mmm fun.
Today i decided i have a life.
Today i decided. that homecoming will be amazing.
TODAY i decided. im just fuckin amazing.
TODAY i took the wrong exit to get home. the sad thing is...i did it about two weeks ago with ginna in the car. how fuckin sad! is that. i was pretty overwhelmed with pity. im pathetic. n its okay.
I suck at directional shit. its okay. runs in the family. at least i kno how to turn around. :)
okay losers. i have a good half a night.
Later peeps. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 12:20 am | | Current Mood: |  content |
|
| iiiii looove michael spielman. HE is my HERO! i LOVE him. he is awesome. were getting married when were 30. we are excited.
were having 15 babies...or THINGS as he called them...Loser.
Andrews A-mazing. A-fuckin-mazing.
The end.
So. yea.
good night.
work rocks.
I LOVE it.
Best buy uniforms are HOOOOTTTT.
people are picky as hell.
I can be fast when i want to be.
I cut a person off today. I laughed.
im not nice.
sorry man...who ever u were.
Im gonna fuck up one time and be called a bad driver for ever!
...o well...
I suck at life...n im okay with that.
Alright. man. Im so happy lol. i dont get it.
Ice age...dominates.
Later kids.
Mad love. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 01:18 am | | Current Mood: | good |
|
| I am tired and my legs and feet hurt like fuck but my night was pretty flipping awesome.
Saw more people than expected. Danced a shit load with the old bunch. Saw my old school friends. A-mazing. CHilled with Adam Danny Tyler and Ginna at the myersville mcky Ds.
ADam and Danny decided to walk next to the blazer.
pretty much a good fuckin night i have to say.
And here i am at home. relaxed. in my boyfriends sweat pants. which are O MY GOD amazingly comfy and huge and awesome.
speaking of whom...i miss him. lol i kno ist gay we didnt see each other for a flippin day but we rnt used to it so its cool. i love that kid. I got to talk to him tho thank heavens. Love him so so much.
SOngs were bad ass last half an hour. Loved it.
actualyl met brandon Harbaugh for the first time ever. ginnas friend...talks to me online...cool as shit. awesome to meet...drunk as hell tho. funny.
SAy Justin Hansburger. HOOOOOTTT! sorry. but that kid grew the ef up. He really did. and im so glad hes a good boy now and is a fire fighter. he was drunk as hell when we saw him tho. Loved it haha. that kid...gee wiz.
I saw Graham tonight for the first time in ages. it was really nice. wierd at first...he wouldnt really converse with me but after a while we talked...after he brought me my keys back n all. loser face. jk. It was good seeing him again. hes a good kid. Saw matt too...looked tired as fuck. but still That keebler cookie boy. definately danced his ass off
Jimmy and Nick and mike and fishy and justin keifer and meikrantz and Ty and Kaleb! every one. it was sweet.
I did Allys hair jessies hair scrunched ginnas hair and did danis make up. and on top of all that i did my hair and make up as well. ordered dinner and for once i got to pay for it all by my self. i was happy. and i drove too. lol it was just a graet night.
Tyler shaw and i fish tailed like no effin other. scared the shit out of us...but im good at that whole thing no so we were great.
Adam decided to run out infront of my car. scared the living daylights out of me and then danny knocked on my car...scared me too. Jessie opened rickys car so fast it hitmy door which is fine honestly cuz its a piece of shit any way. but ill just color in the scartch with a sharpie like that one commercial...and itll all be strait.
Im scared to talk to andrew about everything. the past n shit. im pretty terrified to be honest with you. but i feel wrong him not knowing any of it. and im pretty sure ill cry at one point or the other. and if i dont...ill be super duper strong tomorrow then. which im hoping will happen. but if not then well see how it goes. and like...i kno its really hard for him to understand why i get so upset randomly and why i have just horrendous days and why im sparatically in bad moods and good moods sometimes ust depending on a song i hear. he really doesnt understand a lot of things. and i think he should...he deserves to..i mean weve been together on and off for 8 months. consecutively...for almost 3. and weve become so close that i feel its rather important to inform him of it all.
Ive decided that life can always get worse. so looking down never made anything okay.
GOOOD i miss justin grose sooo effin much. college is for losers. he should come back now...right now. god i miss him. its odd not seeing him any more. randomly in odd places or just chillin the front yard with him.
imma visit a very important child tomorrow at work. his name is Andrew. im esited.
im down to the skin and theres no where to run.
GOD i miss the loser.
This is Lame.
Im glad i met brandon. lol. now its down to meeting dustin young. lol hes fuckin awesome.
being in love is an amazing feeling.
Im going to bed now...later kids.
And heres a great end to an amazing night.
I love Andrew.
I love middletown.
and i love sleep.
gnight. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Im pretty much in one of hte shittiest moods of all time.
Dunno why. Dont see why. Dont get it at all.
Dont feel like being in a bad mood either.
I feel like sometimes i bring all this stress upon myself, and others its just how it happens.
I feel like its my fault all the arguements and shit happen. Theres just something i do...something to instigate it.
I guess i just i dont know feel guilty. Its difficult to explain. And i know its not always my fault. but i cant exactly help but feel that way at times.
What ever.
I get this feeling, where its just a ruch of love, ya know? and Its just overwhelming and its amazing. and i never EVER want to leave his side cuz it just feels like i could sit there and be content. Die happy. that kind of loving feeling. And i cant stop saying i love you and how amazing he is. but sometimes that scares me. Saying it too much, showing too much affection, getting annoying.
Lately i feel like ive annoyed everyone. but at times i feel like maybe im just annoying the shit out of me so maybe thats why shit pretty much sucks.
I love Tyler Shaw. and i feel flippin horrid currently. I love you SOOO so much TyTy Shaw.
Best Buys uniforms make men look sexy...the hot ones anyway. tehehe.
Hung out with Danny hammond. Pretty fun. watched the replacements.
NO PICTURE OF SCHAPPERT IN MY PURSE!!! *sadness* couldnt show tammy the hottness im dating.
I feel like shit and i feel like i lost him again. I dont have him to run to any more like it used to be. and it was like that for a little while. but than it changed. with one minor discussion and i cant take not talking to him. sucks balls. massive hairy ones and i cant react. What do i do. how can anyone react when you loose one of the most important people in your whole entire existance. over exaggeration u may think but it effin sucks. I miss him like effin crazy. no doubt. Suuuuucks. N i cant do a damn thing. cuz i feel like he wont let our friendship be okay. but i kno he wants it to be. I sure as hell do.
Fuckin shit...so many things are buggin me currently and i cant make any of it go away.
I dont know how.
Lets just hope tomorrow is flippin amazing.
I love Amanda.P.and Tyler.Cargo.
Later players. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Losers!!! its been ages!!
just got home from seeing my baby boy at wooork. Best buy has the greatest guy working for them. And that is....andrew james shappert.
So im a little happy and flipping retarded right now...little energy never killed anyone now did it? lol thing is...the happiest time of my week is when i go to my dads. and thats exactly where i am right now. and im lovin it. I love to get away from life in walkersville.
I think Amanda Pellitier and i are going to be chillin a lot soon. Well i hope any way. shes pretty much one of the greatest girls on the earth to me. So yea. i love her. Tuesday...is now declared Dog and Dew day. just for her and i. Cuz i love her.
THE END!
um. I love a boy. hes a good boy. he squeezes me lots. Hes a big boy. strong boy. hes my boy. hes a little retarded but i still love the boy.
I miss Justin already. hes in PA. what a loser.
jk i love him. lol i miss him!
IloveDustin. I wish he was happy. lyssa n him are perfect. I dunno what happened.
..Sad face..
very very sad face.
girls are retarded. im sticking to chillin with my boys. can anyone say drama is fuckin Gay?!
good deal.
and since girls bring it upon them selves..ive decided to steer clear of that shit. yea.
Ive always wondered why my friends ask me why i like to be in middletown with my old hometown gang. but now yall kno..its cuz theyre guys and they are flipping amazingly fun.
Guys are definately easier to hang out with. period.
ANY WAY. i gotta go call the boy.
sLaters | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 11:26 am | | Current Mood: | pretty fucked...still |
|
| I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Who has to know
When we live such fragile lives
It's the best way we survive
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you
doesnt everyone have a dirty little secret. one that no one knows about. and i mean absolutely no one. at all. its kind of not normal to not have one. so i do believe im pretty normal.
so yep. i kno its kinda stupid makin it public. I have a "dirty little secret" but who doesnt. losers! so dont ask.
Im keeping it my dirty little secret.
Im home in about an hour. later nerds. i love you.
and my mood...yea its still pretty fucked up | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 10:20 pm | | Current Mood: |  pretty fucked |
|
| week sucked. two bad days. record im telling ya.
Lost three games. flat tires suck.
sleep is so over rated.
cottage cheese.
emily rose wasnt that bad.
knees fucked.
back is tight. stressed and messed the fuck up.
im too quiet.
forever. forever.
i will love you forever.
Im fallin even more in love with u
Lettin go of all Ive held on to
Im standin here until u make me move
Im hangin by a moment here with u
If ur callin bout my heart Its still urs I shouldve listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to kno where i belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine ur talkin to
Cant u tell, this is austin n i still love u
Ill keep u my dirty little secret
I dont kno where Id b
Without u here with me
Life with u makes perfect sense
ur my best friend
I hope ur doing fine out there with out me
cuz im not doing so good with out u
things i thought ud never know about me
r the things i guess u always understood
i cant be ur friend ne more.
Sugar were going down swinging.
Everything I have in this world
n all that Ill ever b
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have u
Right here by me
that is the shit. ive decided. life fuckign sucks but its still fun. and u gotta have friiiiiiends.
I love my best friends.
I almost died today. but im alive so its okay.
I think this pretty much sucks.
and i miss you.
period.
no body knows it but me.
fuckin A.
dude i get mad now. its not good. i get aggitated. its not cool. i hate it.
but i do.
and u piss me off too..
i think i should make a song.
ur an ass but i love you
u piss me off u kno u do.
thats my song.
so yea. i think its pretty cool. that i can drive. i still find it awesome.
im in a pretty fucked up mood right now.
n its okay. cuz i dotn care what people say think or do right now. and i dont really care what ppl think of me what i say think n do. so i think jumpin out of the 2nd story window is pretty fuckin cool right now. and drivin 5 mph to piss a person off is amazing. runnin a red light is suspensful. laughin at cops is amazing. getting scared is fucked up. ticklin pretty much sucks right now. and dying isnt that scary. walkin in the middle of the road at 11 at night sounds pretty sweet. when ur in all black. trying to fly sounds like a fuckin amazing plan. telling someone to do soemthign rather than doin it for them is fuckin awesome. thinkin instead of talking is nice. talking is dumb. lets just shut the fuck up. y not. ppl talk to much. myself included. lying to my boss is fuckin hilarious. and beating up cash registers is amazing. i love when my blazer shakes. runing out of gas is officially classified as fun. and knowing when a person straight up lies to ur face is fucking amazing. FUCKING amazing. saturday nights could never get any better.
so yea. sarcasm is definately present. so im gone.
bye bitches.
o yea...lost my cell. dont call. itll beep at you. it hates you. not. its just fuckin off.
later.
ps. completely over look this whole thing. cuz yea its pretty fucked. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
sable_wable's journal
frustrated